Finding my own Healing Path
On September 22, 2016, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer. The western method of healing is prescribing four and a half intense months of a powerhouse form of chemotherapy called ACT (a cocktail of three drugs), followed by surgery, radiation and ten years of being on a hormone replacement drug — if I even survive that long.
Side effects: My oncologist told me directly that the chemo would most definitely put me into early menopause, lose my hair and compromise my immune system. Because of my young age, they are prescribing what they call the ‘big guns’ of chemo, which could lead to spending extended time in the hospital with serious complications, and could possibly even cause my death. They say they would NOT give this high dose of chemo to an older person, as it could kill them. Yup, that makes me feel really safe!
I already have a compromised immune system due to an autoimmune thyroid condition. My diet has been gluten free for 10 years and I barely eat sugar or even take aspirin, and I've eaten organic and extremely healthy all my life. I'm forty-six years old, was a vegetarian for ten years, vegan for three and my typical diet is quinoa and steamed kale. My friends say I'm the healthiest person they know. I have such extreme sensitivity that I can’t walk into a mainstream grocery store without being bombarded by the smells of laundry detergents and chemicals. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and everything about my lifestyle is clean. I gratefully live on the land with my horses and blessed beasts. In short, I know my body well.
I am choosing a different route.
Keep in mind that I witnessed my gorgeous, vibrant friend at the age of 44 be diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia, endure chemotherapy and treatment, and die twenty-two months later. I was by her side throughout her whole journey as one of her main caretakers. I saw her go from an 110 lb. energetic force of nature to a 65 lb. shell of her former self at her death. It was the most heartbreaking, horrifying and yet beautifully powerful experiences of my life. All the endless days spent at the hospital with her have left their mark upon me and I must choose what is right for me.
My decision is to take my own health into my hands and heal myself through alternative natural methods rather than the traditional western route of chemotherapy, radiation, hormone drugs and surgery. I have researched this extensively and have come to this decision through deep soul searching, reading books, talking to specialists, others who have healed themselves, films, conferences, and web research. I ask of you that before you challenge my decision, ask for the bibliography on my sources, do the research AND THEN talk to me.
I know this will frighten some of you. Some of you might think that my choice is a death sentence and I am crazy to put my trust in alternative natural healing methods. Honestly, at this point in my diagnosis, I think there is more chance of me dying by submitting to the massive amounts of chemotherapy, the surgery, hormone drugs and radiation. Blindly following the route prescribed to me would strip me of my power and leave me with side effects that would render my spirit to silence and more dis-ease that would cripple me for the rest of my life. I say, “No thank you!!!”
Hear me: If you have doubts arise from my decision here, PLEASE KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF! When you challenge me, shower me with your doubts and fears, it not only stresses me out but invalidates the process that will truly heal me. We all have our choices and this is my body! Please make your own decisions for your body and respect my choices for mine! Before you discount me, please walk a mile in my shoes and at least watch ‘The Truth about Cancer’ series, which is a brilliant series of films illustrating the audaciousness of our modern medical establishment.
To be given a serious cancer diagnosis is frankly a mind-fuck. I thought I had gone through hell and high water before but this takes the cake. To deal with the demons in your own mind when you realize you have a dis-ease that in short time could kill you if you don’t step up and take charge of every element of your mind, body and spirit is challenging — not to mention the reactions of everyone around you whether it be pity, fear or sadness. The hardest part of this journey so far has been the blunt reaction from my closest family members challenging my plan. They have honestly told me I will die from this decision. Ah, thank you very much but this is NOT helpful to hear! I know they are scared to lose me and love me so they feel justified in telling me I’m crazy to not submit to chemo right away and blindly trust the system. The best thing you can do now is to support me, please have faith in my inner vision, mission, and strength! I am a strong, capable womyn with a great ability to create whatever reality I wish and be successful in the cause!
Back to my report: Though the doctors and nurses have good intentions, my experience of seeing my dearest friend Deb deep in the medical system and now my close personal view of it reveals how disempowering it is. For example, my first day spent in the hospital where I received a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy left me shaky and terrified. Before they injected a 4” needle multiple times into my breast and armpit for the biopsy, I was told a small bit of titanium would be injected permanently into the two spots. I was not given a choice on the matter but told it was harmless and would not affect my body. Research later confirmed my suspicion that indeed those titanium markers can create irritation in the skin and it's challenging to remove them. It is not natural to have metal in your body. Fear and the need to move fast stopped me from questioning this procedure which in retrospect was a complete violation of my body. This is the system in which we are born and bred to trust but leads us like unsuspecting cattle to the slaughterhouse. ????
(*Please note that I am grateful for western medicine and it’s ability to heal. I appreciate the medical advances it has made in certain modalities. This particular viewpoint is expressed specifically pertaining to my experience in the cancer world.)
The fear that is conjured up through the western system to submit to their so-called ‘healing’ protocol propels us into not questioning what is healthy for our bodies. I refuse to buy into the fear. I know my body well. I know what I need to heal. I trust in the wisdom, food and natural health protocols that have served me well my whole life.
I know this is my heroine’s journey, that my life is at stake here and I have the power at hand to choose what will indeed heal me. I choose life. My body created this opportunity for me to choose a life of balance for myself and I am grateful for the lessons I am learning.
In many ways this is the greatest gift I have been given, to realize how precious life is. I can either choose to embrace each moment and live it to the fullest or whittle away in the illusions of my mind. I am well aware that I must fully commit to my healing process or I might not see my 50th birthday. If this doesn’t make me open my eyes to the glorious gift of a capable, aware human body and mind, what will?
If you were told you had a year to live, what would you do?
How would you live your life?
How would you embrace the sacred gift you’ve been given?
Take a moment to truly swim in these questions; you might gain some new insights that could change your life!
My healing plan:
I intend to dive deeply into my healing process; sift through past wounds that still fester, honor the need to care for myself, not push myself so hard and step back from the hamster wheel of society and my mind. I know I have ways by of being from past childhood patterns and my false, conditioned self which have contributed to my tumor growth. They are all gifts for my healing.
I am committing to a serious daily regimen of natural therapy through live foods, vegetable juices, cannabis products, coffee enemas, a LONG list of herbs and supplements, acupuncture, infrared saunas, deep emotional healing, exercising, eating a highly alkaline diet, and maybe ozone therapy. Cancer cannot survive in an alkaline environment as it thrives on sugar and an acidic environment. I have been doing this for weeks already and I'm seeing results through detoxification!
I've gotten a baseline of where my tumor growth is now and a month after my ‘Tara Boot Camp’; I will check my counts again. I plan to get a second opinion at UCSF to see what they would prescribe for me. In this time of healing, I will constantly check and realistically assess if my plan is effective.
For those of you who want to support me in my healing journey, PLEASE TRUST MY ABILITY TO MAKE THIS DECISION FOR MYSELF. Prayer is powerful! Instead of focusing on doubt and fear about my decision, transcend the fear and see me being radiant and healthy. See me living a long, healthy life, witnessing my amazing son, step-children and niece live a fabulous life, meeting my grandchildren one day and continuing to do the transformational work I do with my horses. I love my life and I intend to keep living. The best way you can help me is to visualize this. Thank you. Your prayer and intentions are greatly appreciated!
If you feel motivated to donate to my healing protocol, it would be much appreciated. The costs for the doctors, supplements and various healers are adding up fast and every little donation makes a difference. Thank you from the depths of my heart to those of you who have donated, I am humbled and honored by all the love and generosity coming my way!
Donation link: You Caring
There are two wonderful friends who have stepped up to organize fundraisers for me:
November 12: Healing the Deepest Wound
Yoga & Meditation workshop with Taya Malakian
Wild Mountain Yoga, Nevada City
2-5 PM - $35
November 14: Prince dance jam
Come dance to Prince!
Organized by Moana Diamond
Harmonia Marin, Sausalito
5 - 7:30 - $25
Thank you Taya & Moana for creating fundraisers, your creative generosity is much appreciated!
I would like to give a big shout out to Syris who has been my rock through this whole adventure. Between hours upon hours of research, going to ALL of my doctors appointments, editing my writing, organizing my gazillions of supplements in my messy cupboards, making me veggie juices every AM, cajoling me to drink them: "Tara, time to drink your juice," "Honey, drink more," "You haven't drank enough today", "TARA DRINK YOUR DAMN JUICE!" (joking - he's much more polite than that), the MOUNDS of dishwashing, puppy, kitten and horse care, listening to my every rant, melt down, and fiery proclamation he is solidly here for me. What an angel. I am blessed to have him by my side.
Cancer Warrioress Sites!
Why do I use the term Cancer Warrioress? Well, frankly the courage it's taking to navigate this diagnosis is immense, not only is it challenging within my own mind but the choice I'm making to heal myself with an alternative healing protocol is drawing considerable opposition from the medical world, family and certain friends.
I am not choosing to be at war with my body and the cancer cells. I am choosing to love the cancer, see it as a gift and bring myself to healing through making peace with the cancer cells within my body.
This term 'WARRIORESS' originates from the place of empowerment it is necessary to hold through having a cancer diagnosis. This is the most demanding experience I have ever had. It requires me to stand strong in my own decision to heal myself through natural means and be in my truth in the face of immense opposition from society, doctors, family and friends.
Two new web pages:
1. BLOG to share the journey: Cancer Warrioress Blog & Website (what you're reading now)
2. Facebook page with updates and other relevant info regarding health, breast cancer, cancer in general and empowerment regarding one's health choices: Facebook Cancer Warrioress page
I am committed to sharing my story in a honest and vulnerable manner in hopes that it will inspire others to make their own empowered health decisions.
Please share if you feel inspired!
Life is precious. Seize it with everything you’ve got. From my experience of losing my closest friend and now journeying with cancer, I cannot reiterate to you enough how important it is to value each moment, your beloveds and all that you cherish. Life is short, health is precious and we are blessed to have a human body. Do not waste this opportunity to shine your light and fulfill your destiny, whatever it may be.
With great love,
Please: VISUALIZE ME IN CLEAR, VIBRANT HEALTH! SEE:
My tumor shrinking
The cancer leaving my lymph nodes
My body being able to wash away any toxins or emotional baggage that are feeding the cancer
See me healed and living a long life!