Joie de Vivre, Anger & Cancer


This morning, I woke up with an exorbitant amount of anger about how cancer has impacted my life in the past few years. A year and a half ago, Deb Hubsmith, my best friend of nineteen years died from Leukemia. One month to the day after my friend died, my beloved husky dog Leilani died of cancer. Six months after Debs death a close friend/family member was given a serious cancer diagnosis. Exactly one year after Deb died I received a Stage 3 Breast Cancer diagnosis. While I choose to live in gratitude and see the blessings, it is also important to acknowledge and release the anger that can arise. There is no doubt that cancer is obviously a strong teacher for me in this lifetime.

In this day and age, we all know someone effected by cancer, whether it be a family member, our self or a friend. Cancer is now an epidemic due to our stressful lifestyle, chemical ridden culture, GMOs in our food, and EMFS we're surrounded with. It is a metaphor for the modern day civilization we live in, our Earth and the neglect of our precious planet. Mention the word cancer and it will strike fear into the most resilient individual. Cancer is a terrifying wake up call to the world we live in.

It is alarming how younger people are being regularly affected by it. My two friends and I, from the ages of 44-46 were given life-threatening diagnoses. In the past few years, I have at least five friends under the age of 50 who have died from cancer. Since I've been public with my cancer journey I've heard from young people, as young as 25 that have been given a stage 3-4 cancer diagnosis. (There are 4 stages, 0 being the least threatening and 4 the most dangerous.)

Part of me is angry that Deb perished in the hands of a deadly blood cancer and yet, I have a deep acceptance of death that I did not understand before. Life continues on. Although I miss her dearly, I am grateful for the lessons her early departure gave me.

I have chosen to heal myself with natural methods. My routine is a full time job with the massive amounts of supplements, coffee enemas, infrared saunas, exercise, juicing, Vitamin C infusions, bee venom therapy and all that it requires for me to heal and therefore LIVE! It requires discipline, stamina, and courage. Each day, I continue on as my joie de vivre is strong and I have a mission here on Earth. Undoubtedly the greatest drive to survive is my immense love for my 24-year-old son and the desire to see his miraculous life unfold. A mother’s love runs deep.

My recent blood test results showed that my tumor cell count has declined which means that I am indeed healing. All my hard work is paying off and I am ecstatically grateful!

It would be easy to give into the anger, frustration and defeat that cancer brings, I have seen it happen to others and I refuse to let the darkness pull me under! Life is about transforming our struggles, mining the hardships and turning them into gold. So I choose to feel the anger, let it serve its purpose by writing this post and release it to the ethers.

Each moment is a choice. I choose to walk in beauty, healing with every breath, embracing it all and daring to live large!