Fear of Mortality


We all have a fear of death.  Before my cancer guru teacher stormed in my life four years ago my general assumption was that I would die at a ripe old age. After seeing my closest friend of 19 years die from leukemia, another close friend & family member die young from colon cancer and my own cancer-healing journey with a Stage 3 Breast Cancer diagnosis, my viewpoint of death has been utterly changed. A year ago when I decided to share my healing journey publicly, I entered in the limelight. One of the blessings of being public on this path is that I’ve met hundreds of cancer journeyers, some following a standard route of treatment (chemotherapy, surgery and radiation) and others taking an alternative natural healing route. Whatever protocol one chooses to heal, there is one thing we have in common: the diagnosis has necessitated we take a hard look at death.

I started a private Facebook group for cancer patients treating themselves either partially or exclusively through alternative methods and it’s grown into a thriving support group.  I observe myself and others getting caught up in excessive fear at times. It’s easy to let the demons of fear run wild when doctors are telling you ‘you might die if you don’t do a certain treatment’, not to mention the anxiety of beloved family members and friends who are terrified to lose you. Fear is a common way of manipulating patients in the mainstream cancer world to rush into chemotherapy, surgery and/or radiation. I have encountered this many times.

Having a cancer diagnosis and continuing to walk forward requires balancing on a tightrope of determination, belief, courage and often times blind faith. It means following your own inner compass regardless of what others tell you to do or say.

Fear is a demon that can lead one to make incongruent decisions that you might regret later on. Although pressure from family and friends often comes from a well-meaning place, it can often push patients to start a treatment, surgery, etc. that might not be aligned with your true self. A decision made from a place of pressure could turn into a regret in the future.  It is absolutely necessary when walking that tightrope to tap into your own body and soul and make your decisions from your own empowered place.

One thing I’ve learned is there are so many variables when it comes to cancer. Every body is different with their own diagnosis and how it responds to treatment. I have seen many people choosing an allopathic path, natural route or a combination of them both. Some of us will live and some will die. A friend whom I spoke with one year ago when I was deciding my own path of healing and whom had chose an conventional path sadly died last week. Unfortunately, there are those following a natural path who are not faring so well either. I see it all and hold it with equanimity the best I can and continue on with faith for my own healing. Who’s to say what our fate and future holds?

I have been incredibly honored to be invited to teach in New Zealand this winter.  While deciding how long to visit this great land for, I mentioned to a friend that this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. She asked me if that was true that this might indeed be the only time I get to visit New Zealand?  Upon reflection I answered yes, it was true. At this point I have witnessed so much death and know how precarious the cancer path is that this may very well be the one golden opportunity I have to visit a land I have dreamt about visiting. Given this knowledge I choose to say, “YES!” whenever I can and go forward with a pure zest for life. Life is precious and I intend to live it as fully as I can!

Yes, fear is still present for me, as I see it in my bold and beautiful cancer friends. I listen to fear’s voice when she comes, hear her speak her ‘what if?’ statements and then invite her to leave. Life is too short to be caught up in the murky cloud of doubt and fear.

I invite you to do the same. How can you say “YES” more to life and embrace your own fear?

Ultimately, those of us with a cancer diagnosis are walking hand in hand with death. Some of us will heal and live a long, healthy life and others will walk into the sunset sooner than we would expect or wish for. Birth and death are ultimately entwined as one and eventually we all must come to peace with our own passing. It’s a blessing to realize these truths of impermanence and embrace our own mortality.


Stay tuned for next weeks edition entitled: ‘A marriage between heart and head: How true healing is possible.’  This is a continuation of this piece, where I speak about moving beyond fear to embrace true healing in mind, body and soul.

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To listen to a 45 minute podcast interview with Alexandra Epple of 'Women Gone Vibrant' entitled 'How to Heal Breast Cancer Naturally' click: PODCAST.

Thanks for tuning in and for all the support you all shine on me! I'm truly grateful for all of you!

With love,


PS. Before the cancer diagnosis I was doing a fair amount of work with my business Wind Horse Sanctuary in promoting death awareness. I was leading grief rituals, writing about the topic of death, am involved in a local group 'Full Circle Living and Dying Collective' which does events in the Grass Valley area to promote death awareness, was a hospice volunteer and was trained as a death midwife. This meme is of Comanche, my beloved mustang and was created months before the diagnosis. Life can be very funny!