Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear

“Surrender is the highest power to gain all that you want”
-Yogi Bhajan
The Yogi Bhajan day calendar told me this relevant quote today and how very appropriate it is for me! The events of the last few years have taught me the more I resist change the more I will suffer.
Release or be dragged
Those of you who have been following my story of journeying with a stage 3 breast cancer diagnoses and choosing to heal it naturally have most likely witnessed the need I’ve had for fundraising from time to time. Due to the fact that insurance pays next to nothing if one chooses an alternative path to healing cancer makes it necessary to raise money for the expensive treatments. Learning to ask and receive help has been a big part of walking this path.
This past spring I was at an impasse as I realized I could not continue to ask the public for help every few months. I realized as the Jesus story goes, ‘teach a man to fish and they will sustain themselves’ that it was wise for me to find a sustainable way for me to bring in more income.
I have had a cottage on AirBnb for three and a half years, which has been a wonderful, steady source of income. As I teach workshops and private sessions doing Equine Facilitated Learning, it is lovely to have participants stay onsite while doing the sessions.  My idea was to ride the wave of the ‘Tiny House’ frenzy and purchase a Tiny House for AirBnb guests to stay here.
A very generous friend gave me a loan and I found a demo Tiny House model, one that I could purchase immediately and gain income from during my busy summer season. I had my sights set on renting it in early June. Life has it’s challenges and there was one issue after another: the plumbing needed fixing, the table took a month to arrive, we had the wrong electricity hook up and ended up blowing 16 lights out, we had to wait 2 weeks for the new lights to arrive and on and on and on. It became almost comical the amount of patience needed to get the Tiny House together.
Five weeks past schedule with all the bumps ironed out it was ready to list! I found myself in a hip café in Nevada City, munching on a macrobiotic salad determined to get it out to the world. Once up on AirBnb the reservations flooded on in and my prediction was correct: staying in a Tiny House was something that many people wanted to do. We were instantly booked out for!
What followed was a week and a half of feeling my body relax as I paid for a  $265 high dose Vitamin C infusion knowing that I could afford it as I had extra income coming in. I happily paid my friend the first loan payment with ease and grace.
I have to laugh, as life continually seems to keep me on my toes. Having a simple way for me to raise money for my expensive cancer treatments seems to just be just too easy for Miss Tara…   A week and a half after being listed on AirBnb a letter from the planning department arrived saying that they were aware that there was an unpermitted building on my property. This is the point in the heroine’s story where the dark clouds circle around the once jubilant character and the witnesses are aware another great challenge is about to unfold.  In other words, Tara has another mountain to climb!
It seems as if life with a life threatening diagnosis and a tumor in my breast is not enough. Without falling into victim mentality I am seeing that my very source of income that I was so thrilled to find an easy flow with is now threatened.
I was informed by the planning department that the cottage which has been on AirBnb for three and a half years is not permitted as a living structure therefore cannot legally be listed on AirBnb and it is very questionable whether the Tiny House can even be permitted. I was not aware of the laws around the cottage; I did however know that Tiny Houses are a very controversial subject all across the US.
This is where surrender comes in. With my expensive healing treatments and the high cost of having a ranch and four horses it is necessary to raise a ridiculous amount of funds each month. It is necessary for me to surrender at this point to the reality that life may have me moving in another direction. It might be in my better interest to let go of my beloved ranch.  At this point my life, well being, relaxation and healing journey is more important than stress and struggle. This ranch, my horses and life here feed me deeply but if the trajectory turns into struggle than that stress will just inflame the cancer growth. I must have an environment conductive to my own healing.
Surrendering is crucial to my survival. The more I hold tight to my perceived idea of what I want I will be dragged kicking and screaming. Releasing to what is serves me rather than resisting.  The death of my two close friends, this cancer diagnosis and life continually remind me of this reality.  My story is unfolding in each moment, life is certainly not stagnant.
Stay tuned. My hope is that after all of this work I will be able to maintain my two AirBnb income sources, keep the ranch, beloved horses and my Wind Horse Sanctuary world I have worked so hard to manifest.
I hold my hands open surrendered to the will of the divine. I reside in deep trust knowing that whatever is meant to unfold will do so. Living with a serious life threatening diagnosis is walking on the razor’s edge of life and death. With every breath I am surrendering to life and embracing death.
Post Script: The final conclusion to this piece is that due to complicated issues I will NOT be able to receive income from either of the two AirBnbs. This puts me in the place of having to make some serious changes and I am seriously considering selling my ranch. I am looking at all options at this point.
If you feel like donating to my fundraiser to make this transition a bit easier I would be so grateful as I am losing a considerable chunk of income: Go Fund Me
Thank you all for the love and care you shine upon me, I am so grateful!